Resources For Supporting Your Child When They Share a Mental Health Struggle

1. Thank Your Child for Sharing—Even If It Wasn't Directly with You

Many young people suffer in silence. The fact that your child expressed their feelings—even to an app—means they're reaching out in some way. That takes courage.

Why young people often don't tell parents they're struggling:

• They don't want to worry or burden you
• They feel ashamed or think something is "wrong" with them
• They don't have the words to explain what they're feeling
• They're afraid of how you'll react (disappointment, anger, dismissal)
• They think they should be able to handle it on their own
• They've tried before and felt unheard

What to say:

• "I'm really glad I know what you've been going through. Thank you for being honest about how you're feeling."
• "I'm not upset with you—I'm grateful you shared this. I want to help."
• "What you're feeling is real, and it matters to me."
• "You don't have to go through this alone. We're going to figure this out together."
• "There's nothing wrong with you for feeling this way. A lot of people struggle with their mental health."

Help them understand: Mental health struggles are not a character flaw or a sign of weakness. Just like physical health, mental health sometimes needs extra care and attention—and that's okay.

2. Listen First, Fix Later

When parents learn their child is struggling, the instinct is often to immediately problem-solve or reassure. But what your child needs most in the first conversation is to feel heard.

How to listen well:

• Find a quiet, private moment to talk—not in the car on the way to school or in front of siblings
• Put away your phone and give them your full attention
• Let them talk without interrupting, even if there are long pauses
• Resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or silver linings
• Reflect back what you hear: "It sounds like you've been feeling really alone with this."

What NOT to say:

• "You have so much to be grateful for." (minimizes their pain)
• "Everyone feels sad sometimes." (dismisses the severity)
• "Just think positive!" (implies they're choosing to feel this way)
• "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" (can feel like blame)
• "Is this because of your phone/grades/friends?" (jumps to conclusions)
• "You're being dramatic." (shuts down communication)

What TO say:

• "Tell me more about what that feels like for you."
• "How long have you been feeling this way?"
• "That sounds really hard. I'm so sorry you've been carrying this."
• "I'm here to listen whenever you want to talk."
• "Thank you for trusting me with this."

If your child doesn't want to talk: That's okay. Let them know the door is open: "I'm not going to push you, but I'm here whenever you're ready. I love you and I want to help." Then check in again gently in a day or two.

3. Take It Seriously—Even If It Doesn't Look How You Expected

Mental health struggles in young people don't always look like sadness. They can show up in many ways, and what your child is experiencing internally may be much more intense than what you see on the surface.

Mental health struggles can look like:

• Irritability, anger, or emotional outbursts
• Withdrawal from friends, family, or activities they used to enjoy
• Changes in sleep (too much or too little)
• Changes in appetite or weight
• Declining grades or difficulty concentrating
• Physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches) with no medical cause
• Fatigue or low energy
• Expressions of hopelessness, worthlessness, or feeling like a burden
• Talking about death or expressing morbid thoughts (even if not suicidal)
• Increased risk-taking behavior
• Difficulty functioning in daily life

What we flagged and why it matters:

Our system identified that your child may be experiencing:

• Ongoing depression or hopelessness — not just a bad day, but persistent feelings that are affecting their life
• Overwhelming stress or feeling "trapped" — expressions like "I can't take it anymore" or "I'm drowning"
• Trauma responses — including effects from past difficult experiences that are still impacting them
• Intense grief — loss that feels unmanageable
• Other serious symptoms — which may include confusion, paranoia, or feeling disconnected from reality

These are signs that your child needs support beyond what they can provide for themselves.

Trust what they're telling you: If your child says they're struggling, believe them—even if they "seem fine" at school or around others. Many young people become skilled at masking their pain in public.

4. Connect Them with Professional Support

While your love and support are essential, some mental health struggles need professional help—just like a broken bone needs a doctor. This isn't a failure; it's good parenting.

Options for professional support:

• School counselor: A good first step, especially for mild to moderate concerns. They can also help connect you with additional resources.
• Therapist or counselor: A licensed mental health professional who can provide ongoing support. Look for someone who specializes in working with children/adolescents.
• Psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practitioner: A medical provider who can evaluate whether medication might be helpful. Often works alongside a therapist.
• Your child's pediatrician: Can screen for mental health concerns, rule out physical causes, and provide referrals.

How to talk to your child about getting help:

• Frame it positively: "I think it would help to talk to someone who specializes in helping people feel better. Like a coach for your mind."
• Normalize it: "Lots of people see therapists—it's just another way to take care of yourself."
• Give them some agency: "I want to find someone you feel comfortable with. If the first person isn't a good fit, we'll try someone else."
• Be honest: "I love you and I want to support you, but I think we need some extra help to figure this out together."

If your child resists:

• Ask what they're worried about and address specific concerns
• Start with the school counselor if a therapist feels too intimidating
• Consider family therapy as a less "singled out" option
• Let them know they can try one or two sessions and then decide
• Ultimately, seeking help for a struggling child is a parenting decision—you may need to insist while still being compassionate

Finding a provider:

• Ask your pediatrician for referrals
• Check with your insurance for covered providers
• Contact your child's school for local resources
• Psychology Today's therapist finder: psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
• If cost is a barrier, ask about sliding scale options or community mental health centers

5. Create a Supportive Environment at Home

Professional help is important, but what happens at home matters just as much. You can create conditions that support your child's mental health every day.

Daily practices that help:

• Keep communication open: Check in regularly, not just when there's a problem. "How are you really doing?" can go a long way.
• Maintain routines: Consistent sleep schedules, mealtimes, and family rituals provide stability.
• Encourage physical activity: Exercise has proven benefits for mental health. Even a daily walk helps.
• Limit isolation: Gently encourage connection with friends and family, but don't force it.
• Monitor screen time and social media: These can significantly impact mental health, especially late at night.
• Model healthy coping: Let your child see you managing stress in healthy ways and talking about your own feelings.

Watch for warning signs that things are getting worse:

• Increased talk of hopelessness or being a burden
• Giving away possessions
• Saying goodbye to people in unusual ways
• Sudden calmness after a period of depression (can sometimes indicate a decision has been made)
• Any mention of suicide, self-harm, or not wanting to be alive

If you see these signs: Don't leave your child alone. Ask them directly: "Are you thinking about hurting yourself or ending your life?" Asking does not plant the idea—it opens the door to getting help. Call 988 or take them to the emergency room if you're concerned about their immediate safety.

Take care of yourself too:

Supporting a struggling child is emotionally taxing. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

• Talk to your own support system (friends, family, therapist)
• Consider a parent support group
• Set boundaries to protect your own mental health
• Remember that your child's struggles are not your fault
• Celebrate small progress—recovery isn't linear

Continuing the Conversation

Mental health isn't a one-time conversation—it's an ongoing dialogue. Here's how to keep the door open:

Regular check-ins:

• "How have you been feeling this week?"
• "Is there anything weighing on you that you want to talk about?"
• "How are things going with [therapist/counselor]?"
• "What's one good thing and one hard thing from today?"

When they share something difficult:

• Pause before responding
• Thank them for telling you
• Ask what they need: "Do you want advice, or do you just need me to listen?"
• Follow up later: "I've been thinking about what you shared. How are you doing with that?"

Normalize mental health in your household:

• Talk openly about emotions—yours included
• Treat mental health care as normal as physical health care
• Challenge stigma when you see it
• Share stories of people (including yourself, if applicable) who have gotten help and felt better

Quick Reference: When to Seek Different Levels of Care

Situation	Recommended Action
Immediate safety concern (suicide threat, self-harm, psychotic episode, danger to self or others)	Call 988, go to the ER, or call 911
Significant symptoms affecting daily functioning (can't go to school, can't sleep, can't eat, severe distress)	Contact a mental health professional urgently—within 24-48 hours
Ongoing struggles that have persisted for 2+ weeks (depression, anxiety, withdrawal, hopelessness)	Schedule an appointment with a therapist or counselor within the next week
Mild concerns or recent stress (situational sadness, adjustment to a change)	Check in with school counselor; monitor and seek care if it persists or worsens
Unsure of severity	Call your pediatrician or a mental health warmline for guidance

Additional Resources

Crisis Support (24/7):

• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
• Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741
• Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth): 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678
• Emergency: Call 911

Finding Ongoing Support:

• Your child's school counselor
• Your child's pediatrician
• Psychology Today therapist finder: psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
• SAMHSA National Helpline (treatment referrals): 1-800-662-4357

Helpful Information:

• NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness): nami.org
• Child Mind Institute: childmind.org
• American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry: aacap.org

For Parents:

• NAMI Family Support Groups: nami.org/Support-Education/Support-Groups
• Books: "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, "If Your Adolescent Has Depression or Bipolar Disorder" by Dwight Evans and Linda Wasmer Andrews