Resources For Supporting Your Child When They Report Someone At Risk

5 Ways to Support Your Child Who Reported a Friend at Risk

1.  Praise Your Child for Speaking Up

Your child did something incredibly difficult and brave. Many young people stay silent when a friend discloses suicidal thoughts or self-harm because they fear:

• Breaking their friend's trust
• Getting their friend "in trouble"
  
• Making things worse
  
• Being rejected by their peer group
  

What to say:

• "I'm so proud of you for telling someone. That took a lot of courage."
• "You may have saved your friend's life by speaking up."
  
• "I know you were worried about betraying your friend's trust, but when someone's safety is at risk, getting help is the most caring thing to do."
  
• "You did exactly the right thing. This is too big for you to handle alone."
  
• "Real friends help each other get the support they need."
  

Help them understand: There's a difference between "telling on" someone (trying to get them in trouble) and "telling FOR" someone (trying to get them help). They told FOR their friend.

2. Validate Their Feelings and Reassure Them

Your child is likely experiencing a complex mix of emotions. Acknowledge these feelings without minimizing them.

‍Common feelings and how to respond

If they feel guilty:

• "You didn't betray your friend—you helped them. Your friend needed more support than you could give alone."
• "Sometimes keeping a secret can actually hurt someone. You chose your friend's safety over keeping a secret."
  

If they feel worried about their friend:

• "It's normal to worry. The good news is that adults and professionals are now involved who know how to help."
• "Your friend is getting the help they need because of you."
  

If they feel responsible:

• "You are not responsible for your friend's feelings or actions. You did your part by getting help."
• "It's not your job to fix this problem or save your friend. That's what counselors and therapists are for."
  

If they're afraid their friend will be angry:

• "Your friend might be upset at first, but true friends understand that you acted out of love and concern."
• "Even if your friend is angry now, you may have saved their life. That matters more."
  
• "Your friend is dealing with very painful feelings. Their anger isn't really about you."
  

3. Help Your Child Set Healthy Boundaries

Young people often feel they must be available 24/7 to a friend in crisis. This is an unsustainable and potentially harmful burden.

Teach your child:

• They cannot "fix" their friend or be their therapist
• They should encourage their friend to talk to professional helpers (school counselor, therapist, 988 Lifeline)
  
• It's okay to say: "I care about you, but I'm not sure how to help with this. Can we talk to [counselor/trusted adult] together?"
  
• They should never agree to keep secrets about safety
  
• It's okay to take breaks from heavy conversations and do normal teen activities
  
• They need to take care of their own mental health too
  

Warning signs your child is taking on too much:

• Constant texting with the friend, especially late at night
• Expressing anxiety about leaving their phone or not being available
  
• Declining other activities to be available to the friend
  
• Their own mood or school performance is suffering
  
• They're having nightmares or trouble sleeping
  
• They express feeling overwhelmed or "like I have to keep them alive"
  

If you notice these signs: Talk with your child and the school counselor about additional support.

4. Provide Concrete Guidance for Ongoing Interactions

Your child may be unsure how to interact with their friend now that adults are involved.

‍Advise your child to:

DO:

• Continue being a friend—invite them to do normal activities
• Listen without judgment if they want to talk
  
• Ask "How are you doing?" and "How can I support you?"
  
• Encourage them to keep talking to counselors/therapists
  
• Share the 988 Lifeline number: "If you ever need to talk to someone, you can text or call 988 anytime"
  
• Include them in group activities so they don't feel isolated
  
• Be patient—recovery takes time
  

DON'T:

• Promise to keep secrets about safety ("I can keep most secrets, but if you tell me something that makes me worried about your safety, I'll need to get help")
• Try to be their therapist or solve all their problems
  
• Take responsibility for their friend's safety
  
• Share the friend's private information with other peers (gossip)
  
• Pressure them to "feel better" or "just be happy"
  
• Give up on the friendship if the friend is initially angry
  

Teach them how to respond if the friend shares concerning information again:

• "I'm really worried about you. Let's talk to [counselor/trusted adult] together."
• "I care about you too much to keep this to myself. I need to tell someone who can help."
  
• "Can I sit with you while you call 988?" or "Let's go talk to [counselor] together right now."
  

5. Monitor Your Own Child's Wellbeing and Seek Support if Needed

Carrying the weight of a friend's crisis can impact your child's mental health. Stay attuned to how this experience is affecting them.

Check in regularly:

• "How are you doing with everything that's been going on?"
• "Is this situation bringing up any difficult feelings for you?"
  
• "Do you feel like you need to talk to someone about what you're going through?"
  

Watch for signs your child may need additional support:

• Increased anxiety or worry
• Difficulty sleeping or concentrating
  
• Social withdrawal
  
• Changes in mood or behavior
  
• Expressing feeling overwhelmed or burdened
  
• Showing signs of secondary trauma (nightmares about the situation, intrusive thoughts)
  
• Beginning to have their own concerning thoughts
  

Consider

• Having your child talk with the school counselor about their experience
• Setting up a few sessions with a therapist to process their feelings
  
• Connecting with other parents whose children have gone through similar situations
  
• Family conversations about mental health and supporting friends in crisis
  

If your child expresses their own concerning thoughts: Take this seriously. The stress of this situation may have triggered or exacerbated their own struggles. Seek immediate professional support.

Additional Support for Your Child

Crisis Support Lines

Teach them these resources they can share with any friend in need:

For their friend:‍‍

• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (24/7)
• Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741
  
• Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth): 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678
  
• School counselor during school hours
  

For themselves:‍

• It's okay to talk to you, a school counselor, or another trusted adult about how they're feeling
• They can also use the same crisis resources if they're feeling overwhelmed