Resources For Supporting Your Child When They're Worried About an Adult

Dear Parent or Guardian,

First, take a deep breath. Your child has done something significant by speaking up about an adult they're worried about. It's unusual and brave for a young person to flag concern for a grownup — most kids assume adults can take care of themselves, even when they can't.

We are reaching out because your child indicated that an adult in their life may be suicidal or self-harming, being abused, neglected, exploited, abandoned, or violently threatened, or otherwise in danger. This might be an older adult (a grandparent, neighbor, family friend), a dependent adult (someone who needs help with daily care due to disability or illness), or any other adult your child interacts with. You can see the message we flagged as concerning in your Parent Dashboard.

Your child may be feeling helpless, confused, scared, or unsure about what's happening. They need your support, and the adult they're worried about needs the right kind of help.

– The Alongside Team

Crisis Resources: If the adult is in immediate danger, call 911. To report suspected elder abuse or dependent adult abuse, contact your state's Adult Protective Services or call the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116. If the situation involves domestic violence, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233 (or text START to 88788). For suicide or mental health crisis, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) is available 24/7.

Resources For Supporting Your Child When They're Worried About an Adult

5 Ways to Support Your Child Who Is Worried About an Adult

1. Thank Your Child for Noticing and Speaking Up

Children noticing that an adult isn't okay is unusual, and saying something about it is even more unusual. Many kids assume adults handle their own problems.

Why young people often don't tell anyone about adult struggles:

  • They assume adults can take care of themselves
  • They worry it's not their place to say anything
  • They feel like they don't understand the situation well enough
  • They're afraid of getting the adult in trouble
  • They don't think a kid's concern would be taken seriously
  • If the adult is a parent or family member, they may feel disloyal

What to say:

  • "Thank you for telling me. Most kids wouldn't notice or speak up about an adult."
  • "You did the right thing. Adults need help sometimes too."
  • "You're not getting anyone in trouble — you're helping them."
  • "It's not weird or wrong that you noticed. You pay attention, and that matters."
  • "I'm proud of you for caring about [the adult] enough to say something."

Help them understand: Sometimes the people who depend on adults — kids, partners, other caregivers — are the first to notice when something is wrong. Older adults, people with disabilities, and people in abusive situations often can't or don't speak up for themselves. Your kid noticing and saying something is exactly how that adult gets help.

2. Listen Carefully — Different Situations Need Different Responses

Concern for an adult can mean very different things. Take time to understand what your child has actually observed before deciding what to do.

Questions to ask:

  • "Tell me more about [the adult]. What's been happening?"
  • "When did you start being worried?"
  • "Have you seen anything specific, or is it more of a feeling?"
  • "Is [the adult] okay where they are right now?"
  • "Does anyone else seem to know about this?"
  • "Has [the adult] said anything to you directly?"

Try to understand:

  • Who the adult is: an older relative, a dependent adult (e.g., someone with a disability), a parent, a partner of a relative, a neighbor, etc.
  • What's happening: are they being hurt by someone else, neglected, taken advantage of, in mental health crisis, physically unwell, or causing harm to themselves?
  • Where they are: at home, in a care facility, alone, with the person hurting them, etc.
  • Whether anyone else (a doctor, social worker, family member) already knows

A sensitive note: Sometimes children report distress about adult conflict in their own home — for example, parents fighting, or one parent hurting another. If this is what's being shared, that's a serious form of "an adult your child is worried about" and it deserves a careful response. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) is a resource for parents in this situation too.

3. Validate Their Feelings and Help Them Process

Kids carrying worry about an adult can feel a unique kind of helplessness. They sense something is wrong but feel powerless to do anything about it.

If they feel guilty:

  • "It's not your job to take care of [the adult]. Your job is to be a kid."
  • "You did your part by telling someone. The rest is for me and other adults to handle."
  • "You haven't done anything wrong. You're helping by speaking up."

If they feel scared:

  • "I can understand why this is scary. It's hard to watch someone you care about struggle."
  • "You're not alone with this anymore. I know now, and we'll figure out what to do."
  • "Adults can get help just like kids can. There are people whose whole job is supporting adults in tough situations."

If they witnessed something upsetting:

  • "What you saw must have been really hard. Anyone would feel shaken by that."
  • "Your feelings make sense. We can talk about it as much as you need."
  • "Let's also think about who can help you feel better — a counselor, a therapist, or just regular check-ins with me."

If the adult is a family member they love:

  • "Loving someone doesn't mean you can fix what's wrong for them."
  • "Telling me what you noticed isn't betraying [them]. It's how we make sure they get help."
  • "[They] are lucky to have you paying attention."

4. Connect the Right Adult With the Right Help

Different situations call for different resources. Here's where to direct your effort based on what your child has shared:

If the adult is being abused, neglected, exploited, or abandoned and is 65 or older:

  • Eldercare Locator: 1-800-677-1116 — connects you with local services for older adults
  • Your state's Adult Protective Services (APS): apsnetwork.org/find-your-local-aps/
  • National Center on Elder Abuse: ncea.acl.gov
  • These agencies investigate suspected abuse and can intervene

If the adult is a dependent adult (needs daily care due to disability, illness, or cognitive impairment):

  • Adult Protective Services in your state (same resource as above)
  • Disability Rights organization in your state
  • National Disability Rights Network: ndrn.org

If the situation involves domestic violence between adults:

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 (24/7, confidential)
  • loveisrespect.org for younger adults or teens in unhealthy relationships
  • If the adult being hurt is in immediate danger, call 911

If the adult is suicidal, self-harming, or in mental health crisis:

  • 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
  • Encourage the adult's family or caregivers (if you know them) to seek help
  • If the adult is your child's parent or close family member, talk to your spouse, family doctor, or a therapist about how to intervene safely

If the adult is in immediate physical danger or facing a medical emergency:

  • 911

If you're not sure what kind of help is needed:

  • Start with 988 — counselors can help you think through next steps
  • The Eldercare Locator (1-800-677-1116) can help even for non-elder situations involving caregivers

If the adult is in your own home and the situation may be unsafe:

  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) can help you think through safety planning, even if you're not the one being hurt
  • Your child's school counselor can be a confidential resource for them

5. Take Care of Your Child After

Witnessing or carrying knowledge of an adult in crisis is heavy. Pay attention to how your child is doing in the days and weeks after.

Check in regularly:

  • "How are you feeling about everything we talked about?"
  • "Have you been thinking about [the adult]?"
  • "Is anything still on your mind that you want to talk through?"
  • "How's school? How are your friends?"

Watch for signs of distress:

  • Trouble sleeping or recurring nightmares
  • Changes in appetite or mood
  • Withdrawal from activities or friends
  • Increased anxiety, especially in situations that remind them of what happened
  • Hypervigilance — checking on the adult, asking repeatedly if they're okay
  • Guilt or self-blame
  • Trouble concentrating at school

Consider professional support if:

  • Their distress persists more than a few weeks
  • They're having nightmares, intrusive thoughts, or physical symptoms (headaches, stomachaches)
  • They were directly exposed to violence, abuse, or a medical emergency
  • They feel responsible for the adult's situation

A child therapist familiar with trauma and family stress can help your child process what they experienced. Their school counselor is a free, accessible first step.

Reassure them:

  • "What you did was important and brave."
  • "You don't have to carry this alone. I'm here, and there are other people helping too."
  • "Adults sometimes need help, just like kids do. You helped make sure [they] got it."

Quick Reference: Who to Call

Situation Who to contact
Adult in immediate physical danger 911
Suspected elder abuse, neglect, or exploitation (65+) Eldercare Locator: 1-800-677-1116 OR state APS
Suspected dependent adult abuse or neglect State Adult Protective Services
Domestic violence between adults National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Adult suicidal or in mental health crisis 988 (call or text)
Adult facing medical emergency 911
Unsure 988 — counselors help you think through next steps
Your own child needs support after School counselor, pediatrician, or therapist

Additional Resources

Reporting Adult Abuse or Neglect:

  • Eldercare Locator: 1-800-677-1116
  • National Center on Elder Abuse: ncea.acl.gov
  • State Adult Protective Services: apsnetwork.org/find-your-local-aps/

Domestic Violence:

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788
  • loveisrespect.org
  • National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-4673

Crisis Support (24/7):

  • 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
  • Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741
  • Emergency: 911

Supporting Your Own Child:

  • Your child's school counselor
  • Your child's pediatrician