Resources For Supporting Your Child When They're Worried About Another Child

Dear Parent or Guardian,

First, take a deep breath. Your child has done something brave by speaking up about another child they're worried about. Whether it's a sibling, a friend, a classmate, a friend's younger sibling, or any other child they know, they trusted the Alongside platform enough to share what's going on.

We are reaching out because your child indicated that another child in their life may be suicidal or self-harming, being abused or neglected, in physical danger, or otherwise unsafe. You can see the message we flagged as concerning in your Parent Dashboard.

Your child may be feeling worried, scared, or guilty — wondering if they did the right thing by speaking up, or unsure what should happen next. They need your support, and the other child needs adults to take it from here.

– The Alongside Team

Crisis Resources: If the child in question is in immediate danger, call 911. If they may be suicidal or in crisis, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) is available 24/7. To report suspected child abuse or neglect, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 or contact your state's Child Protective Services agency.

5 Ways to Support Your Child Who Is Worried About Another Child

1. Thank Your Child for Speaking Up

When a young person is worried about a friend, sibling, or classmate, they often don't say anything. They may worry about:

  • Being seen as a "snitch" or losing the friendship
  • Getting their friend in trouble
  • Being wrong about what's happening
  • Making things worse
  • Adults not believing them or not taking it seriously
  • The other child's family finding out and being angry

What to say:

  • "Thank you for telling me. That was the right thing to do."
  • "It takes a lot of courage to speak up for someone else."
  • "You're not getting anyone in trouble — you're helping them."
  • "Adults can help in ways kids can't. You did the most important part by telling someone."
  • "I'm proud of you for paying attention and caring about your friend."

Help them understand: When a kid is being hurt, neglected, or in danger, the adults who know them often don't see it. The friends, siblings, and classmates are usually the first to notice — and the only way that child gets help is if those young people speak up to a trusted adult. Your kid is doing exactly that.

2. Listen First, Then Figure Out the Next Step

Before deciding what to do, take a moment to understand what your child has actually seen, heard, or been told.

Questions to ask:

  • "Can you tell me more about what's been going on with [their friend]?"
  • "When did you first start being worried about them?"
  • "What have they said or done that makes you concerned?"
  • "Does anyone else know about this — another kid, a teacher, anyone?"
  • "Has [their friend] asked you to keep this a secret?"
  • "Is [the friend] in danger right now, or is this something that's been building?"

Listen for:

  • Severity and urgency — is the child being actively hurt or in current danger?
  • Who else might already know
  • Whether your child has been keeping this secret for a long time
  • Whether your child feels responsible or guilty

What NOT to say:

  • "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" (can feel like blame)
  • "Are you sure?" (makes them second-guess what they noticed)
  • "Don't get involved." (teaches them not to speak up)
  • "It's not your problem." (it kind of is, and they care)

3. Validate Their Worry and Their Loyalty

Many young people feel torn — they want to help their friend, but they don't want to break trust or get them in trouble. Acknowledge that tension.

If they feel guilty for telling:

  • "I know you feel like you might be breaking a promise. But keeping someone's secret about being hurt isn't loyalty — it's how they stay in danger."
  • "A real friend wants their friend to be safe, even if that means asking for help."
  • "[Their friend] might be upset for a little while, but they'll be okay. And they need help."

If they're scared:

  • "It's okay to be worried. This is a big thing to carry, and you don't have to carry it by yourself."
  • "Adults are going to handle the hard parts from here."
  • "You don't have to know what to do next. That's my job now."

If they're not sure if it's "bad enough":

  • "It's not your job to decide that. If you noticed something that worried you, that's enough."
  • "I'd rather check on something and find out it's not serious than miss something that was."

4. Take Action — Make Sure the Right Adult Knows

After listening, figure out who else needs to know. Your job isn't necessarily to fix the situation directly — it's to make sure an adult in the right position to help is informed.

If the child is in your kid's school:

  • Contact the school counselor or principal. They can check on the student, involve the school nurse if needed, and follow their school's reporting protocol.
  • You don't need to name your child as the source if they're worried about retaliation. Most schools can act on a general concern.

If the child is a sibling, cousin, or close family member:

  • This is usually a direct family conversation. Talk to the child's parents if it's safe to do so.
  • If the parents are the source of the harm, do NOT contact them directly. Instead, contact CPS.

If you suspect abuse, neglect, or abandonment of any child:

  • Call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453 (24/7, confidential)
  • Or contact your state's Child Protective Services agency directly
  • You do NOT need to be certain — you just need to be reasonably concerned. The professionals will assess.
  • In many states, reporting suspected child abuse is required by law for certain professions, and is always legally protected when made in good faith.

If the child may be suicidal or self-harming:

  • The adults in that child's life (school counselor, parents, pediatrician) need to know so they can connect them with mental health support.
  • The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is a resource for anyone worried about a young person — including you.

If the child is in immediate danger:

  • Call 911.

5. Check On Your Own Child Afterward

Once the situation is in the right hands, don't forget that your child is also affected.

Check in regularly:

  • "How are you feeling about everything that happened?"
  • "Have you heard anything more from [their friend]?"
  • "Is it weird at school now? Has anyone said anything?"
  • "Are you sleeping okay? Anything on your mind?"

Watch for signs of secondhand stress:

  • Withdrawal from friends or activities
  • Trouble sleeping or eating
  • Increased anxiety or irritability
  • Guilt or self-blame ("Maybe I shouldn't have said anything")
  • Avoidance of the friend or topic

Reinforce that they did the right thing:

  • "I want you to know — what you did mattered. You helped [their friend] in a way no one else could have."
  • "Even if it feels weird right now, you should be proud of yourself."
  • "If you're ever worried about anyone else, you can always come to me again."

If your child is struggling: Consider a check-in with their school counselor or a therapist. Witnessing or carrying knowledge of another child in danger is a meaningful emotional load. They may benefit from talking to someone, especially if symptoms persist.

Quick Reference: Who to Call

Situation Who to contact
Child in immediate danger right now 911
Suspected child abuse or neglect Childhelp: 1-800-422-4453 OR state CPS
Child showing signs of suicide or self-harm 988 (call or text)
Concern about a child at your kid's school School counselor or principal
Concern about a child in your extended family Talk to a parent or guardian (if safe to do so); CPS otherwise
Your own kid is struggling after sharing Their school counselor, pediatrician, or therapist
Unsure where to start 988 — counselors can help you think through next steps

Additional Resources

Reporting Child Abuse or Neglect:

  • Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453 (24/7)
  • Your state's Child Protective Services: childwelfare.gov/topics/responding/reporting/how/

Crisis Support (24/7):

  • 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
  • Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 741741
  • Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ youth): 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678
  • Emergency: 911

Supporting Your Own Child:

  • Your child's school counselor
  • Your child's pediatrician