Resources for Supporting Your Child Who May Be Self-Harming

5 Ways to Support Your Child Who is Self-Harming

1. Talk to Your Child in a Caring, Nonjudgmental Way

Talking openly about self-harm will NOT make it worse. In fact, compassionate conversation can provide relief and connection. Understand that self-harm is often a coping mechanism for overwhelming emotions—not attention-seeking behavior or manipulation.

Use statements like:

• "I noticed some marks/cuts and I'm concerned about you. Can we talk about what's going on?"
• "I'm not angry—I want to understand what you're going through."
• "It sounds like you're dealing with really intense feelings and this is how you're managing them right now."
• "You're not in trouble. I'm here to help and support you."
• "What are you feeling right before you self-harm?"
• "I love you and we'll figure this out together."

Do NOT say:

• "Just stop doing that." (Self-harm serves a purpose; removing it without alternatives can be harmful)
• "You're doing this for attention." (This invalidates their pain and damages trust)
• "Look what you're doing to me/our family." (This adds guilt and shame)
• "Show me your arms/legs right now." (Forced disclosure damages trust)

2. Understand the Function of Self-Harm

Self-harm is typically a coping mechanism for managing difficult emotions like anxiety, anger, sadness, or numbness.

Your child may be using it to:

• Release emotional tension
• Feel something when they're emotionally numb
  
• Express pain they can't put into words
  
• Regain a sense of control
  
• Punish themselves
  

Understanding why your child self-harms is crucial to finding healthier alternatives with professional support.

3. Create Harm Reduction Strategies While Working Toward Stopping

While the ultimate goal is for your child to stop self-harming, abruptly removing their primary coping mechanism can be dangerous. Work with a mental health professional on:

Immediate harm reduction:

• Keep first aid supplies accessible
• Learn about wound care
  
• Encourage safer alternatives (ice cubes, red marker on skin, rubber band snap, intense exercise)
  
• Delay tactics: "Can you wait 15 minutes and see if the urge passes?"
  

Be aware of warning signs:

• Unexplained cuts, burns, or bruises (often on arms, legs, stomach, or chest)
• Wearing long sleeves/pants in warm weather
  
• Frequent "accidents"
  
• Isolation, especially after stressful events
  
• Possession of sharp objects, lighters, or other tools
  
• Blood stains on clothing, towels, or bedding
  
• Low self-esteem or self-critical statements
  

4. Develop a Safety and Coping Plan with Professional Support

A safety plan helps your child identify triggers and develop healthier coping strategies. This should be created with a mental health professional and may include:

• Identifying triggers: What situations, feelings, or thoughts precede self-harm?
• Warning signs: What does your child notice in their body/mind before they self-harm?
  
• Healthy coping strategies: Alternative ways to manage emotions (art, music, journaling, physical activity, talking to someone)
  
• Distraction techniques: Activities that can interrupt the urge
  
• Safe people to contact: Friends, family members, counselor, therapist
  
• Crisis contacts: 988, Crisis Text Line, therapist's emergency number
  
• Reasons for working toward recovery: What does your child value and want in their life?
  

Apps like Calm Harm or notOK can provide immediate support and distraction techniques.

5. Connect Your Child with Professional Mental Health Support

Self-harm requires professional intervention. A qualified therapist can help your child:

• Understand the root causes of their self-harm
• Develop healthier coping mechanisms
  
• Process underlying trauma or emotional pain
  
• Build emotional regulation skills
  
• Address co-occurring mental health conditions (depression, anxiety, PTSD) regulation skills
  

How to find help:

• Ask your child's school counselor for referrals to therapists specializing in adolescent self-harm
• Look for therapists trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)—both are evidence-based treatments for self-harm
  
• Your pediatrician can provide referrals
  
• Contact your insurance provider for in-network mental health providers
  

Consider higher levels of care if:

• Self-harm is frequent or escalating
• Injuries are severe
  
• Your child expresses suicidal thoughts
  
• Your child is unable to function at school or home
  
• Outpatient therapy isn't sufficient
  

Additional Resources for Parents of Students Who Self-Harm

Crisis Support Lines

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

The 988 Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for children and adults experiencing thoughts of self-harm or emotional distress. Parents can also call to receive guidance on supporting their child.

> Call 988 or text TALK to 741741
> 988 Youth Resources

‍Crisis Text Line

Free, 24/7 crisis support via text message. Trained crisis counselors provide support for self-harm, emotional distress, and mental health concerns.

> Text HELLO to 741741
> Crisis Text Line Resources‍‍

Self-Harm Specific Organizations

S.A.F.E. Alternatives (Self Abuse Finally Ends)

A leading national organization dedicated to helping people who self-injure. Provides educational resources, treatment information, and support for families.

> Parent & Family Resources
‍> Understanding Self-Injury Guide
> Treatment Information

‍Cornell Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery

Provides evidence-based information about self-injury, including educational resources for parents and caregivers.
> Self-Injury Fact Sheet
> Resources for Parents ‍

Mental Health Organizations
‍
‍National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

‍NAMI offers education, support groups, and resources for families dealing with mental health challenges, including self-harm.

> Self-Harm Information
‍> Find Your Local NAMI - for support groups and educational programs
‍> NAMI Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or text "HelpLine" to 62640

Child Mind Institute

A non-profit providing extensive resources on child and adolescent mental health, including self-harm.

‍> Why Kids Self-Injure
‍> Self-Harm: What Parents Need to Know
‍> Mental Health Resource Center

The Jed Foundation

Focuses on protecting emotional health and preventing suicide among teens and young adults. Offers resources on self-harm and emotional wellness.

‍> Understanding Self-Harm
‍> Mental Health Resources for Families
‍> Seize the Awkward - tips for talking to teens about mental health

‍

Therapy and Treatment Resources
‍
‍Psychology Today Therapist Directory

‍Psychology Today Therapist Directory Search for licensed therapists in your area who specialize in self-harm, adolescents, and evidence-based treatments like DBT and CBT.

‍> Find a Therapist
‍> Filter by: "Self-Harming," "Adolescents," "DBT," "CBT"

American Psychological Association (APA)

Professional organization offering resources for finding qualified mental health providers.

‍> Psychologist Locator
‍> Self-Harm and Cutting Resources
‍> How to Choose a Psychologist

DBT Directory

Directory to find Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) providers—an evidence-based treatment particularly effective for self-harm.
‍
‍> Find a DBT Therapist
> Behavioral Tech - find DBT-trained clinicians

Educational Resources
‍
‍Mental Health America

‍Provides screening tools and educational materials about self-harm and mental health.

‍> Self-Injury/Cutting Information
‍> Free Mental Health Screening

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

Federal agency providing treatment locators and educational resources.

> National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) - free, confidential, 24/7 treatment referral service
‍> Behavioral Health Treatment Locator
‍> Family Support Resources
‍

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

Government resource providing research-based information on mental health conditions.

> Mental Health Information
‍> Help for Mental Illnesses

Support for LGBTQ+ Youth
‍
‍The Trevor Project

‍Crisis intervention and suicide prevention services for LGBTQ+ young people, including support for self-harm.

> TrevorLifeline: 1-866-488-7386
> TrevorText: Text START to 678-678
‍> Resources for Parents of LGBTQ+ Youth

Parent Support
‍
‍Families for Depression Awareness

‍Offers support and resources for families dealing with depression and related behaviors like self-harm.

> Family Resources
> Parent support groups and educational materials

‍Active Minds

‍Mental health awareness organization with resources for supporting young people.

> Resources for Parents